really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
