Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
