Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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