Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
