I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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