that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
