Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
