There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
