I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
