Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
