He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
