I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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