direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
