If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
foreskin is a definite game changer
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
