I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
