Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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