I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
