at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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