I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
