fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
