Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
