There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Let's get the cat blown out
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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