Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
