Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
