My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
