So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
