and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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