dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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