hotel room ftw
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
