We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
