Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
