he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
