i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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