Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
