When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
