I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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