There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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