I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
