If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
