The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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