Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
