dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
