For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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