I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
it's like heaven, but drunker
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
