At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Holy shit dude........stairs
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
