Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
