Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
