Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
