Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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