feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
