My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
